Nak Mintak Ampun!!

tadi dalam pukul 3pm macam tu, bay pie moved quite rapidly. macam setiap 30minit dia bergerak. i think that was my first time ever yakin yang 'perasaan' kat perot i tu, was coming from baby pie. sebab i rasa dalam 19 to 20 weeks ni dah boleh yakin anak kita bergerak. people may ask me, "macam mana rasa baby tu bergerak??".

personally i don't. tapi paling dekat rasa dia macam you blow bubble dalam water, u rasa bubble tu meletop-letop. hahaha....omg cute plak, macam baby kita main-main air liur dalam perot kita. hahahaha.... =)

so 3 kali i rasa. on my rgiht side of the perot. so i excitedly told encik husband about this!

Me: "sayang....anak sayang hentak kepala dia kat pewot i!!! 3 kali...hahahaha....omg!!...geliiii!!"

encik husband macam biasalah. dia overlook message BBm tu and continue talking about other things. haihhh....-___________-

anyway, we were talking about our working environtment and stuff. lama la dalam 30mins to 1 hour punya messaging. sekali tiba-tiba encik husband BBM,

Him: " syggg....i love you so much. i can't imagine my life without u...."

seriously rasa nak pengsan. sebab sangat suweeeeetttttttt di situ. i mean, bukan dia tak pernah cakap camtu, but when it comes to THE RIGHT MOMENT, you just can feel that sincerity in his words. susah nak describe, tapi kita just boleh rasa. im sure siapa yang tengah bercinta tu boleh rasa samaada apa yang pasangan kita cakap tu, just cakap atau dia betul-betul maksudkan apa yang dia cakap.

we do fight a lot. when i say A LOT, trust me peeps, memang banyak sangat acara pergaduhan ni. we seldom fight face to face, nor i have the courage untuk melawan cakap dia depan-depan. i won't. walaupun i ni category wanita singa (tapi sweet), i ni kira tak berapa singa la sebab penakot. ha ha ha....heyp! jangan gelak please.

tapi, walaupun kitorang bergaduh, but setengah jam perasaan bergaduh tu, memang rasa sakit kat dada/hati. serius sakit. konon orang kata metafora la apa. no. memang rasa sakit tu. SEBAL je rasa. truly said, we don't love to fight, it just happen. takkan lah kita nak rancang.

"ok bb, esok kul 3.45 petang kita gaduh tau. pasal cuaca hujan.."

ada ke?? -____________________-

despite all that, im quite suprise yang dia tersangat sayang kat i. i mean, last 3 days kot kitorang gaduh. benda kecik je tapi biasalah i. and he asked me with his strictness,

"b. pegi amik wudhuk. sekarang. pegi semayang."

i??oh well, golek-golek atas sofa doing nothing and tenung je screen tepon. luckily masa tu azan maghrib. i terus sembahyang. lepas sembahyang tu, i dapat BBM pics, gambar shawl.

A PINK SHAWL. colour that i like the most.

korang boleh bayangkan betapa meraungnya i dapat gambar tu. he bought for me a shawl, when he was away!! meaning dia sebenarnya memang ingat kat i all the time. memang meraung bersungguh-sungguh i dalam bilik i, dengan penuh rasa menyesal and malu dengan sikap sendiri. i rasa sangat-sangat bersalah and berdosa besar kat encik husband. i selalu bersangka buruk.

that he didn't remember me.
that he is enjoying his single time without me.
that he don't even care about me.

but i was wrong. i was sooo wrong and i felt guilty about it. sungguh i menyesal. -___-

" i dah naik sampai tingkat 3 mall. masa on the way naik tu i nampak kedai shawl kat bawah sekali. i turun balik sebab nak belikan u shawl tu. kawan-kawan i semua pelik. diorang cakap untungla dapat husband baik. i was so excited masa tu sayang. i ingat i nak suprise kan u. tapi sekarang jadi macam ni plak...."

okay. boleh rasa tak perasaan bersalah tu. memang i menangis sampai malam i nak tidur tu. i menyesal sangat-sangat and i sembahyang and berdoa yang Allah akan ampunkan i. of course i dah mintak maaf kat encik husband. he was quite reluctant, tapi after a few days dia okay dah.

i sekarang memang tunggu dia balik next week and i nak sujud kat kaki dia nak mintak ampun. i memang menyesal sangat-sangat and i nak dia tau i yang salah. i yang ego. i yang selfish.

ni kali kedua i punya perasaan bersalah kat dia. and i still remember the first case.

hrmm.......hope takde pape jadi kat i sebelum i mintak ampun kat dia next week. sobs...