Shy of Nothing

When I was with en.bf, die macam ada satu perasan yang, tak boleh nak cakap la.Of course ada perasaan sayang, rindu, manja, suka, and all the sugar feelings tu la. Tapi ni lain.

Perasan lain macam tu lebih ketara bila between us tu, ada orang lain. Contohnya, kawan, family.

Let's say,bila kitorang jumpa, tiba2 nak kena jumpa family dulu,I rasa macam tak selesa, and macam ada orang memerhati tingkah laku kitorang. Is that normal or I'm being a paranoid?

I rasa malu sgt and gugup. Kalau dengan my family,I okay lagi. Tapi bila dengan family dia,and dengan kawan-kawan. Gugup plak rasa.

Macam kelmarin, masa I nak exchange barang,he asked me to masuk rumah and jumpa his mom.gugup wehh..so I bagi la dekat mama kurma coklat,dendeng,and sambal sotong I masak. Basah ketiak nak ngadap mama.

Then mama hantar kitorang kat gate.so masa tu I was standing next to him,nak masuk kereta.then I cakap, "tanye la mama nak makan ape..". By that time (I rasa la) pitching dah lari, body gesture pun dah macam pelik.haihhhh...

Dalam kereta,oleh kerana pembawakan tadi, I jadi excited (the atoms are in excited state), sampai en bf pun perasan. Malu tapi dah badan kita working tremendously mcm tu, what else can I say?

Masa minum dengan kawan-kawan pun,I duduk jauh-jauh je dari dia. Eh salah, dia jauh-jauh dari I, sebab skrin bola tu kat belakang. T_T

And I didn't talk to him at all,I rather talk to his friend. Cuma.. ermm.. I main2 tangan dia bawah meja jer...rindu punya pasal.

I think the fact yang orang memerhati me and him, bukan buat I x selesa,it is just,I malu nak tunjuk I sayang dia depan orang..ecewahh.. I mean like betul-betul manusia la. Kat blog, fb, orang tak tengok directly kan.

So I think, by being an item, rasa malu tu masih ada.maybe you all tak faham la tapi haihhh...malu la.

Ps: sabtu ni entah macam mane la. Buka meja lain-lain la.

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone