5 days before Hari Raya

I know. We have only like 5 days away from raya. Tell me if I were that excited to celebrate raya, no I'm not. Unlike previous years. But somehow I already bought my baju raya a few months back, I bought my designer handbag a few months back, and I bought my kasut raya last 2 weeks.

Talking about kasut raya, it was the comfiest, and the highest kasut raya I owned. Blame CK for that. Sebab dia sangat selesa, I lupa dengan ketinggian mencecah 173cm ini, I beli kasut setinggi 5inci. Memang bodoh tapi memang selesa tak tipu.

If la kan, I only wear it once and then I rasa stupid walking around dengan ketinggian ridiculous macam tu, I jual la kat blog nie. By the way the size is 40 but fits my size 10 foot effortlessly. Ada pembeli? I doubt. Tapi siapa nak book email la I.

I didn't make my biskut raya yet. Usually I baked choc chip cookies, cornflake cookies, and biskut arab. I will buy london almond as my favo raya cookies and jem tart. Then I will bake my infamous choc cake and fruit cake. And during raya I will make puding caramel. Let's see if sempat buat semua nie.

My house is a mess. We let go the maid to her kampung and suffer on our own during hari raya.siapa yang akan jadi bibik? Yours truly. Jemur kain,angkat kain, design rumah, arrange barang, basuh pinggan,masuk kuih dalam balang,anyam ketupat, are all my jobs.adik?she will watching TV the whole day and gives silly excuse like "adik puasa la..". Yes, she is 20.

I'm not worried about raya. I'm worried the 'after' raya. Dahla kena pergi beraya rumah mak mertua for the first time ever in my 8year relationship. Basah ketiak la weh..hikhik..tapi mama encik bf being the coolest mom ever, I know she will be a great companion later. Same where,I will be a great companion for her silly mengader manja son.

Oh, encik bf tak pernah miss out bagi duit raya kat I. Selalu kalau dia tak bagi pun, I selalu ingat2 kan.muahaha..Cukuplah I nak bayar bill Digi bulan depan.biar dapat dari tak dapat langsung.

So, every morning selalu kitorang akan bertukar sweet texts atau paling jahat pun menganjing each other.and we always exchange our pictures. Tapi today he was damn busy sampai pukul 2 pun tak anta gambar lagi. Dah la rindu, lagi buat kita tunggu lama-lama. Tiba-tiba dia anta gambar siap dengan the cheekiest smile ever. Boleh tak? Rasa nak gugur jantung tengok my other nyawa buat macam tu.

Haihh..macam mana la tak makin sayang.

Eh, ini lari topik raya nie. Anyway hari ini ada dua majlis berbuka puasa. Kat ofis and kat PJ. Masa untuk menggemukkan diri!!

Ps: sabtu sabtu. Lambat sungguh kamu.

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Thank you So Much

Masa I had 'that' problem, only orang-orang yang sangat rapat je yang tau. My family, and a few good friends. 3 orang yang tau cerita sebenar.

And they had been supportive enough especially my family. My mum,jangan tanya laa,menangis and everyday dia akan tanye my condition, and even kat office pun die akan msg I. Siap tanye, " you want to go to london this weekend".Sedih ok.

I don't know why, but kalau kita kawan seikhlasnye, rasa sayang je dengan kawan-kawan kita tu. Thanks korang untuk semua supports,air mata, dan tadahan telinga korang.

Ok jauh sgt dah pergi ni.

Anyway, I came across something on fb. A friend of mine stated that:

" Don't tell others about your problem. 20% don't care. The other 80% are just glad you have them"

Perghhh...boleh tak macam tu?

Boleh. Because that's the main reason why I don't simply post an entry here during that gloomy day or I post a status on facebook like " such a fu*king ......".

Sebab I rasa kalau I post like that on fb, people will come and ask so many questions yang kalau baca dari 1st comment sampai yang ke 128, dah bole agak jalan cerita.hahaha..

Thanks for friends yang email and PM me asking how do I do. They don't say much but only pray for my happiness.

Alhamdulilah Ya Allah tiada apa yang lebih membahagiakan dari 'kebahagian' yang Kau berikan kepada kami.

Kesimpulannya, keep the thoughts to yourself. Trust only a few persons because yeah, the others-they just glad that we have that problem. And ada juga orang yang memang berniat nak rampas kebahagiaan kita.

Jahat sungguh hati manusia.busuk hati.

Ps: berdoa yang my friend tak post yang bukan2 kat fb sampai mengaibkan suami dia. Dah banyak kali, macam hari-hari. YaAllah tolonglah lindungi mereka.

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Shopping at Ikea

Seriously need to go to IKEA. Bukan sebab hanya kerana meatballs yang lazat, tetapi juga sebab nak beli barang.

1. Balang kuih kaca. At least 4 to 5 balang.
2. Cake-tiers. Rasa macam kat rumah ada. Itu beli kat jusco ke ikea eh? Takpe kena check. At least beli 1 lagi.
3. Plate yang square.
4. Mangkuk round atau square.
5. Lampu. Floor lamp 2, atau lampu tinggi.
6. Vase tinggi paras pinggang. Rasa yang ni kat ikea ada tapi melampau harga. Kena gerak balakong ni cari.

And good news! Semua warna putih. Senang cari. Tapi rasa nak pergi kedai rm2 la, banyak jer murah2.

Ehem ehem...encik bf nak teman pegi ikea tak? Kita pegi pagi2 tak ramai orang kan sayang? Nanti I bagi u 'hadiah' special weekend ni..lalalala..

ps: cantik I like! One step closer...nervous!


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Fight & Betrayal

Yesterday, tak pasal-pasal sebab rindu (tak admit kat encik bf), I exploded. Tapi I perasan la, sejak-sejak dah matang ni, rasa nak bertelagah ni, ayat dia sangat membina. Sedikit sarcasm although the points are always delivered. Get what I mean? Kalau gaduh, tapi apa yang kita tak suka tu tak sampai, what's the point of having a fight?

And kalau we all gaduh pun, ended up jadi loving gila. I harap kalau dah kahwin nanti things will always been the same (or better) for us. Sebab after almost 8 years, kitorang still sama. I still much in love with him. And him?gosh, couldn't be better.

**kalau la encik bf tu khairul fahmi che mat, mesti blog ni popular,tak pun mesti orang menyampah sebab suka cerita pasal bf. Tapi sebab bf I orang biasa,tidak berharta mahupun rupa (ok tipu), maka tiada siapa pun peduli akan blog ini**

My friend, my very close friend, baru kehilangan gf yang dicintai, gf yang diinginkan untuk dijadikan suri hati, sebab gf dia ade lelaki lain. I was furious!!and I am mad!!

Lelaki perempuan sama je sekarang. Suka amek hak orang. Memang la dia bukan suami/ isteri orang lagi, tapi the fact yang "there are so many fishes out there,why mess with the one being caught", kenapa? Really, I pray that you will be happy with the fish yang you 'curi', and I harap Allah je dapat balas kesengsaraan orang yang teraniaya.

Bila berkaitan hati dan perasaan, that's one thing we will never know- of how much they suffer inside. Allah saja yang tau.Jadi setiap benda jahat kita buat kat orang lain, akan ada balasan yang setimpal. Wallahualam.

Wah panjang ustazah ni cakap. Anyway, to my friend, insyaAllah kalau ada jodoh takkan ke mana. I'll always pray for you, and aku harap ada perempuan solehah untuk kau nanti.

Okay sekarang rindu sangat kat encik bf.. And I hope ramai yang akan mendoakan kami bahagia bersama.

Ps: novel semalam la punca penyebab semua nie..kuikui..


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IFTAR

we went for a iftar yesterday with encik bf's batch mate. they were all hillarious and some of them were so cute. haihhh...when you were around this kind of people, masalah pun hilang, and buat you macam 'awwwwww...'.

we arrived a lil bit early, but since datang awal bersebab so macam takdela masalah sangat. we went and bought some set of SKII products, and kasut kat cotton on. lepas tu encik bf kata diorang tak buat reservation lagi, boleh tak? so we went to chillis, lama gila tak makan situ, tapi tak boleh reserve, walk in sahaja. then we went to seoul garden, tempat paling favourite sekali, pun tak boleh reserve. sekali i saw this buffet kat kluang station. encik bf dah agak malas nak jalan naik atas ke piza milano, so we ended up there. reserve for 10 persons with 50% deposit. encik bf bayar dulu la macam biasa.

lepas buka dalam 9.30pm, diorang nak main bola. cik gf kan sopan bulan-bulan posa pakai long dress labuh, macam mana nak main bowling. boleh jer, tapi i malas nak campak-campak bola. kalau ikut record, kalah encik bf main bowling dengan i. ahahaha...

habis main we went to rasta ttdi lepak shisha plak. i've tried once or twice, tapi i didnt enjoyed much. macam mana plak perempuan yang merokok tu eh. when you are doing something you enjoy, lainlah rasanya. kat rasta i dah mengong-mengong. masa tu dah pukul 1. lawan mata and rasa nak baring kat meja makan tu, i ended up borak-borak dengan encik bf. cerita pasal hantu ketidakkesampaian. hahaha....it was funny and i laughed like mad, encik bf dah hangin dah tertipu dengan cerita tu.hahaha....

next stop was mali's.masa ni i dah tak tahan. nak dekat pukul 2.30am kot. he sent me home and had a nap at my house while waiting for his friends pergi tukar kereta la ape la. kat kelana jaya la plak. nak makan kat tengah-tengah KL.

in the car when driving, he said. " lately i really miss you so much. kalau b hilang tiba-tiba macam restless je.." lebih kurang. i was like..."awww...sweet gila plak bf aku nie..".

now makin lama makin sayang kat dia. and he is too. i know he try his very best to convince me.i can see his efforts. and i love that, when he's making that extra efforts. i love him. i love him so much.

I count on You

Sometimes I just want to be 'that' somebody,yang hatinya kuat, yang don't give a damn on anything pun. I wish I am that person.

But being me,made this way, kadang-kadang perasan itu kecundang jugak di tengah jalan. But trust me,I tried my very best to keep it together,to be strong. Luarannya kelihatan kuat,tapi kat dalam serapuhnya. But no one knows,not even myself. Cuma boleh rasa. Sakit.

I know I am lucky.I did know.

Cuma, I need 'that' something to buy me that feelings. To convince me. To tell me how lucky I am, how lovely the feelings are. Because I was hurt so much,so so much that it left me with deep scars.

It heals eventually,but the feelings remain.

I don't know what went wrong.nothing is wrong I guess. It is just I am not 'that' kind of person that don't give a damn on anything.

Because I AM that person, who gives a damn on EVERYTHING.

Because I am made with HEART.

Ps: mainan perasaan ni. Tak pun mainan syaitan. Tak pun sebenarnya tengah rindu ni pastu tak dilayan perasaan ni kan..pastu mulalah nak mengada buat entry camni..haha!


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Shy of Nothing

When I was with en.bf, die macam ada satu perasan yang, tak boleh nak cakap la.Of course ada perasaan sayang, rindu, manja, suka, and all the sugar feelings tu la. Tapi ni lain.

Perasan lain macam tu lebih ketara bila between us tu, ada orang lain. Contohnya, kawan, family.

Let's say,bila kitorang jumpa, tiba2 nak kena jumpa family dulu,I rasa macam tak selesa, and macam ada orang memerhati tingkah laku kitorang. Is that normal or I'm being a paranoid?

I rasa malu sgt and gugup. Kalau dengan my family,I okay lagi. Tapi bila dengan family dia,and dengan kawan-kawan. Gugup plak rasa.

Macam kelmarin, masa I nak exchange barang,he asked me to masuk rumah and jumpa his mom.gugup wehh..so I bagi la dekat mama kurma coklat,dendeng,and sambal sotong I masak. Basah ketiak nak ngadap mama.

Then mama hantar kitorang kat gate.so masa tu I was standing next to him,nak masuk kereta.then I cakap, "tanye la mama nak makan ape..". By that time (I rasa la) pitching dah lari, body gesture pun dah macam pelik.haihhhh...

Dalam kereta,oleh kerana pembawakan tadi, I jadi excited (the atoms are in excited state), sampai en bf pun perasan. Malu tapi dah badan kita working tremendously mcm tu, what else can I say?

Masa minum dengan kawan-kawan pun,I duduk jauh-jauh je dari dia. Eh salah, dia jauh-jauh dari I, sebab skrin bola tu kat belakang. T_T

And I didn't talk to him at all,I rather talk to his friend. Cuma.. ermm.. I main2 tangan dia bawah meja jer...rindu punya pasal.

I think the fact yang orang memerhati me and him, bukan buat I x selesa,it is just,I malu nak tunjuk I sayang dia depan orang..ecewahh.. I mean like betul-betul manusia la. Kat blog, fb, orang tak tengok directly kan.

So I think, by being an item, rasa malu tu masih ada.maybe you all tak faham la tapi haihhh...malu la.

Ps: sabtu ni entah macam mane la. Buka meja lain-lain la.

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Fast

semalam after iftar, i went to fetch encik bf at his house, cheras. ada barang needs to be exchanged selain dapat my angry bird bought by one of his friend. terharu sangat sebab tak rasa pun dia beli because we were like talking just in the facebook. tiba-tiba encik bf call cakap angry bird dah sampai. i was like...whaattt? but anyway, dah dapat. and it was so cuteeee!!

then we went to mamak's stall and hang out with two of his friends, yang memang kenal pun. watching football and biasalah, borak2. encik bf busy talking with kawan dia, so i took the chance untuk borak with the other friend, memang close friend pun. and he was talking about something nice to hear from A to Z. its good when people start talking something important and privacy in one's life, sebab by that time, (s)he is start to believe you. although dia tak cakap directly, psychologycally, dia dah let you in his/her life.

but the time was like 3.30am in the morning, haruslah bergegas pulang. encik bf juga kelihatan lentok-lentok. dia kan, kalau dah ngantuk, die jadi cranky. dia nak kata kita cranky, tapi dia pun sama. but he was like so cuteeee, rasa macam nak tumbuk2 jer...haha

i pecut like 110km/h which i seldomly did, maybe this was my first time (boleh gelak sekarang), and it took me like 10-15minutes to drove from cheras to gombak. memang terbaik. and i drove at the fast lane (clap hands)...teehee. kaau kena saman memang menangis aku.

hrmm..tiba-tiba rindu plak kat encik bf. tinggal lagi sebulan jer...and hopefully and i pray hard, things will always on our side...i love him and will always have...

ps: 20minit lagi nak buka puasa..yeay!!

Bazaar Ramadhan

Hari tu first time pergi bazaar ramadhan atau a.k.a PARAM (pasar ramadhan) dengan encik bf. Orang malaysia ni malas gamaknya sampai benda alah ni pun nak short form kan. Kalau pandai shortcut kan formula Calculus bangga la sikit kot.

Anyway, we went to bazaar kat wangsa maju depan jusco, about 15mins driving to my house. Nothing much that we bought except air tebu yang en bf excited gila nak beli,and chicken wings. Me and bf selalu have our thoughts on something, and selalunya sama.

(The thought of having life with him is beyond everything..)

Kitorang tengok ramai je yang galak membeli without they know it would lead to ? Pembaziran. Kalau makan takpe. Even my mum beli kuih rm2 tu pun tak habis inikan pula murtabak.

Me and my bf had learned that the amount of food that we consumed is the same like any other ordinary day.takde menambah pun.tapi sebab the whole day tak makan kan, so kita rasa lapar.bila lapar kita tend nak semua benda banyak.so end up beli byk tp last buang tong sampah.

Frankly speaking,I rather eat at home dari makan kat luar. Same goes to encik bf. At one side, kitorang boleh berjimat, but on the other side,I la kan kena masak..teehee..

Now I'm learning to cook his favourite dish.luckily, favourite dishes die same dengan apa yang I suka..senang.

Anyway encik bf haritu tak cakap nak pergi bazaar maka I ended up over dress ke bazaar.so funny but takkan semata nak tukar t-shirt kena balik and datang semula ke bazaar right?nonsense.

We really did enjoyed our date.it was meaningful to him, he said. Malam he lepak at my house watching MU vs Man City and now he knows that my family takde la fan of football because ayah was surfing the internet while both of us semangat tengok bola. T_T

Ps: he was so cute cuddling himself masa tengok bola..teehee..
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What is Happening?

SAYA JATUH CINTA DENGAN LELAKI YANG SAYA KENAL ALMOST 8 YEARS AGO....

MACAM MANE NIEEE!!

MALU tapi MAHUUU........

Happy Ramadhan

Wah,dah 2 ramadhan dah kita hari ni.sungguh cepat masa berlalu. But I feel so sad sebab I am still not able to perform my rukun islam. Oh,rasa tak terlambat nak wish Happy Ramadhan to all the Muslims. Ramadhan datang sekali je setahun.dan kehebatan bulan ramadhan ni,kita tahu,tapi Allah lebih tahu. So jom rebut pahala bulan ni untuk kegunaan akhirat kelak.

Bulan ni tak macam ramadhan yang lalu. Ramadhan ni special sangat.tak boleh cakap sekarang tapi dah boleh agak la kot..*senyum*

All I can say is that,I feel so blessed, ada kedua ibubapa yang very understanding,doakan yang terbaik untuk anak-anak dia,kawan-kawan yang menyokong,en bf yang penyabar and who loves me more than anything else. Apa lagi yang I nak? Kebahagiaan. Kebahagiaan yang I mimpikan dengan orang tersayang.

So bulan ni,I doa banyak2 semoga Allah limpahkan segala nikmat kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat,untuk saya,awak,awak,dan awak.

Happy fasting!!jangan makan banyak-banyak sangat y'all..kate nak pakai kebaya tahun nie..teehee..


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