Truly Yours

i can see the faith in his eyes.
i can see the regretness on his face.
and i can feel the love when his hands touches mine.
and that he never let go of my hand despite he is driving, and walking.

*senyum*

effort dia from day 1, from the day he said he want me, saya boleh nampak. saya boleh rasa.
slowly the feelings i had for him, developing little by little.
slowly i remember how i used to love him more than anything else.

*senyum*

and i love that feelings.
that true feelings i had for him.
the feelings that i called; cinta sejati.

Im Not That Strong

kalau dengar-dengar tajuk kat atas mesti rasa nak emo-emo je entri, kan? anda (dan saya) SALAH!!ceritanya bukan pasal perasaan sedih, atau ketiadaan kekuatan dalam life. bukan itu.

pagi tadi, ada training session dengan my personal trainer. badan besar tapi rendah orangnya. but i always love to hear the stories from him. we shared a lot of information. tentang hidup. tentang kepercayaan. it was always a good idea to have some piece of advice dari seseorang yang sudah makan garam dulu dari kita.

anyway, last night i didnt eat anything. regime sekarang adalah *wajib untuk tidak makan malam. pagi tadi bangun pun tak sempat nak breakfast sebab bangun lebat, kata hujan. encik bf plak sedang sedap-sedap tidur dalam selimut tebal, amat jeles. kita call die around 10 macam tu, suara tengah sedap tidur.suara paling manja sekali. kikiki.

oh, hari ni regime die macam hardcore sikit. haritu masa on a date dengan encik bf, i said trainer tu macam tak best je, sebab semua routine dia suruh buat macam ajar budak-budak jer.sekali hari ni, amek kau, termuntah-muntah terus.

MUNTAH?hadoiii....i know after last session tu dia nak ajak borak-borak, macam biasa. but i terus say bye, heading to restroom. lepas tu, bueeekkkkk bueekkkk bueeekkk!! gila macam hos air kot i muntah. but semua memang air jela keluar sebab perut kosong kan takde pape.

lepas tu mandi pun gigil tak bertenaga. nak bukak baju ape semua i siap lean dekat dinding sebab rasa pening-pening. drove balik pun slow and steady jer.

IM NOT THAT STRONG rupanyeeeee.....hahahahahha!!!

ps: encik bf kate, kalau muntah-muntah tu kira fit la tu siap thumbs up die bagi. beliau cuba confuse kan i ke ape nih?

Usah lepaskan

Usah biar ku bersendirian..

Usah biar hati mu di tawan..

Usah biar diri ku di sini..

Seorang menunggu tanpa teman..


Usah lepas genggaman tangan mu..

Usah biar semua berlalu..

Usah terlupa perasaan hati..

Pertama kali bila bertemu..

Usah lepaskan......



Credit: taufik batisah



Ps: faith in love...<3

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Betrayal

What's the difference between orang yang mem-betray, dengan orang yang di-betray?I bet orang yang di-betray rasa lebih sakit, kan?

Kita manusia. Tak lari dari kesilapan. Tapi kita mesti ingat, kita ada Allah, dosa dan pahala. Setiap apa yang kita lakukan,kalau kita ingat Tuhan, benda-benda tak sepatutnya takkan jadi.

I didn't say that I am good,alim. But I know,bila I buat-buat tak ingat Tuhan,memang dosa la yang I buat. Contohnya, mengumpat. Tapi kan, kalau kita buat sesuatu tu sampai lebih dari sekali, adakah itu "manusia melakukan kesilapan"?

You will never understand my situation,and I tak mintak pun difahami.but the pain that I feel, I tak boleh nak tahan. It hurts so much. So damn much that I cried myself to sleep every single night.

I just have to be strong.

I just have to be myself.

I just have to enjoy my life.

Kenapa la manusia tak pernah nak menghargai apa yang dia ada? Kenapa la manusia cemburu dengan kebahagiaan orang lain?kenapa la manusia tidak tahu bersyukur?

The pain. I hope it goes away,just like when the wind blows....

Ps: time will heal the wound.

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Pot of Gold

Sayang saya,
Lately ni sweet sangat.

He always tells me where he wants to go,how he feels on certain thing, how much he miss me, how much he wants me,that I am important in his life. He talks about future,and I proudly say that I am in the picture.

Dia bukan macam tu dulu. *senyum*

And I love that.I love the changes,because it is a good change of him. Deep in my heart,I too,want to change for him. I really do. I tak nak kesilapan kitorang dulu buat relationship kitorang huru - hara. I admit both of us memang buat salah. Hanya kitorang tahu siapa yang bersalah sebenarnya.but still I want to change,not just because of him. Tapi untuk diri sendiri jugak.

Takde istilah teruk kalau berubah untuk orang yang disayangi,lagi2 kalau berubah tu kepada kebaikan.

Sebenarnya I bersyukur sangat sebab diberi peluang kedua untuk mencintai dan dicintai.sebab I know it will be the end of the world if I stop loving him.

InsyaAllah,things will get better day by day.

Ps: I don't like to point finger,if you know what I mean.


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Celebrity Fitness

i always in love with workout *cough* exercise, especially aerobic. i was an athlete back in school dulu. i was a netball player, was an archer. (read: was). when i entered university for 6 years, jarang sekali nak workout. but somehow i managed (slightly) to controlled the food i consumed.

macam mana boleh terjadi member club celebrity fitness nie?

last sunday when i went out for a date (to discuss 'our' future, damn it was a very sad day) and i thought it will be the last day we were an item, he brought me jalan-jalan to one of the celebrity fitness outlet. back in my mind, i think he was crazy, sebab kenapa dia interested nak join celebrity fitness here, jauh dari rumah dia. but i heard he said, " nak compare price between celebrity fitness and fitness first..". so i macam okay je la.

while waiting, he asked me to wait outside. ada dua kemungkinan jer, he intended to buy membership for someone or himself. but the fact mungkin itu adalah hari terakhir we were an item, i jadi sakit hati bila fikir he will be around and quite near to me. macam mana kalau terserempak? mesti sedih kan. while waiting kat luar, i was crying. dah la lama tunggu.

so something happened on monday. to cut the story short, we were okay. on tuesday he asked me out for a date, dia kata penting sangat. janji jumpa pukul 9, but until 9.45pm i dont see him anywhere. bengang jugak sebab he is a punctual person, but i jalan-jalan pergi guardian la, cold storage la, nak sejukkan hati.

by 9.50pm dia called tanya i kat mane. and we met. i saw the celebrity fitness's official beg. so i said to him, "uuuuu....ade orang dah register la celebrity fitness. nape tak ajak?boleh orang join sekali.." dalam hati kecik ati jugakla, but i stay cool jer.

then tiba-tiba dia cakap, "nah sayang..untuk awak. as our wedding gift..". i was like, what the fish!? i took out the receipt, and it was about RM2000!!??i thought he was joking. gila apa kau membership mahal macam tu. tak mungkinlah kan dia nak beli untuk i.he said, " yer sayang...untuk awak..." sambil senyum-senyum paling manis sekali.

then dia terus bawak i jumpa the trainer, and the trainer explained everything, pasal classes and 12-sessions of training. still in a blurry mode, but adapted fast.

so yeah, this was the reason macam mana i boleh joined celebrity fitness. encik bf telah membeli advanced wedding gift. i dont feel offended, because I REALLY WANT TO JOIN THE GYM!!!WOHOOOOOO!!

thank you baby, thank you sayang!! sangat-sangat gembira!!i went to the training semalam, and best gila!!!i hope tidaklah hangat-hangat tahi ayam jer..teehee..

kadang-kadang Allah dah tuliskan cerita yang cantik untuk kita. i doa sangat cerita cinta i cantik sampai akhir hayat kami. i love him, and i know he loves me too. berdoa sangat tiada lagi dugaan yang hebat macam hari tu. i tak boleh hidup kalau takde dia..hrmm...sebak plak tulis macam nie.

so okay la. i hope i can get my ideal weight by the end of the training session. please please please...amin.

ps: doakan kebahagiaan kami yer. amin..~love~

Mencintai Aku Dengan Seadanya

Ku sedar ku tak seberapa
Jika dibanding mereka
Yang jauh lebih megah dari diri ini

Apa yang mampu ku berhias
Hanyalah hati yang ikhlas
Terpendam simpan untuk dia yang sudi

Mencintai aku dengan seadanya
Mencintai aku bukan kerana rupa
Dalam waktu sedu
Dalam waktu hiba
Ku harapkan dia rela

Mencintai aku dengan seadanya
Sanggup menerima insan tak sempurna
Atau mungkin cinta sebegitu hanya
Kisah dongeng saja

Belum pernah ku merasakan
Dipeluk dalam dakapan
Eratnya melindungi jiwa rapuh ini

Sanubariku memerlukan
Kehadiran seorang teman
Tulus mencurah kasih sepenuh hati

Mencintai aku dengan seadanya
Mencintai aku bukan kerana rupa
Dalam waktu sedu
Dalam waktu hiba
Ku harapkan dia rela

Mencintai aku dengan seadanya
Sanggup menerima insan tak sempurna
Atau mungkin cinta sebegitu hanya
Kisah dongeng saja

Stacey - Kisah Dongeng

ps: bila ofismate 25jam bukak lagu ni memang agak bernanah jugak telinga...T_T

The Up Side Down

Assalammualaikum.
Where do I begin? Okay.for the past few weeks,I had been in a kind of situation yang I rasa tak pernah di alami oleh mana-mana pihak pun kat dunia nie; Bila nikmat cinta ditarik dalam sekelip mata.okay fine. Exaggerate. Orang lain pun pernah rasa,but I was devastated.I really was. And I think my world has come to an end.

A week before this sad thing happen,I was happily went on a date with him.and I don't expect any of this scary thing to happen.at least not a week after a loving date,no?

So when he said he wanted to break off our relationship (for a certain reason I don't want to mention here..awwwww..don't be sad..haha), I was damn shocked and really rasa nak pengsan. I was crying like mad but at the same time I know I have to let him go.after 7 years. Selepas 7 tahun yang penuh rasa cinta. We don't get on a fight nor we have major problems with each other.It just happened and it happened on the 10th of july.

I was devastated.I can't work.I can't eat.I cried everyday at the office.my friends were crying too.my parents were sad,so do his parents. Days were so gloomy.I lost a few pounds due to that. He even change his relationship status on facebook.by that time,I know he is serious.

I was praying like there's no tomorrow.I never pray before.I mean not that diligently. Deep in my heart,I know I still want him.I really do.call me stupid,call me stubborn. I really want him because I love him.I really2 in love with him. Orang yang pernah berasa cinta saja yang akan faham.

Until on the last monday,I decided to let him go.I really do. I just want to see him happy. I met him on sunday,he looked so sad,serabut.I can't see my love one like that.I really want him to be happy.and Actually I have already plan to leave for UK.I had contacted several friends kat manchester and london.and I should be gone, september is the earliest.

But things were not always according to our plan. Allah penentu segalanya,remember?alhamdulilah yang teramat sangat,we were back on track. He still loves me,and I still love him. I still takut-takut with him,but I hope Allah akan sentiasa meredhai hubungan kami.

Alhamdulilah, we will get engaged in just around the corner,and married after that. InsyaAllah. Amin.(I am crying when I type these words)

I just want to thanked Allah,sebab Dia tahu akan sebab yang terjadi dan Dia akan sentiasa membantu hambaNya yang lemah. Thanks to our parents yang tak putus2 doa untuk kebahagiaan kami. Thanks jugak kat kawan2 yang sentiasa bagi sokongan. Kawan-kawan yang tak pernah bersemuka pun sentiasa bagi sokongan.

And lastly, I want to thank (and appologize) to my dearest bf. Terima kasih sebab masih percaya akan 'kita'. Terima kasih kerana sentiasa menerima kurang lebih your own gf. I'm so sorry for all the wrong doings. I hope we will start a new life together with a new chapter. I'm looking forward to have a life with you because I love you so.

Ps: the sadness I felt during these past few days just cannot be describe in words. Allah je yang tahu.up until now I'm feeling the sadness but I just love him.itu sudah cukup untuk menutup rasa sedih tu.

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Abang Macho Tapi Sweet

Assalammualaikum.bersiaran lagi kita tapi since hari ni hari sabtu,maka ianya adalah hari cuti bagi saya.hari ni adalah hari tak bersejarah sangat sebab manusia yang cintakan rusuhan dan ketidakamanan tengah sebok tunjuk perasaan bawah panas matahari membahang di,entah.malas nak amik tahu.

Oh jadi kita bersiaran dari studio haircut.tengah potong rambut.lagipun jap lagi nak pergi wedding.kat tengah2 KL plak tu.

Citer pasal wedding,I lari sekejap beli hadiah kat jj.beli mangkuk letak candies jela.ingat nak bagi duit,tp macam tak best je plak datang tangan kosong walaupun kita bagi duit.kan?

So,sekejap je.cari foundation pun xjumpa.dah nak habes dah kot.actually dah habes pun.lepas beli tu terus la naik escalator,cr kunci keta dalam beg,tangan sebelah pegang hadiah berbalut gold,bayar parking.

Okay sabar sabar.nak citer la ni pasal abang macho tu.

Tengah nak bayar tiket tu,seringgit je pun.boleh tak takde duit kertas RM1?duit syiling dia taknak makan plak.hangen gila aku. Nak taknak buat la muka seposen mintak tukar kat orang.

Ade plak abang demok2 comel baru sampai.buat muka ayu,manja,

"Abang..ada seringgit tukar tak?dia taknak plak duit syiling.." Sambil cari2 duit syiling dua puluh sen,5 keping.

"Nah..amek jela.."

"Eh bang,ape ni..amikla ni bang..orang nak tuka jer la.."

Abang demok2 comel itu berlalu pergi. Kawan dia yang agak hensem kat belakang dia tu senyum comel2 jer,sambil dalam hati cakap, "kawan aku dengan awek laju je bagi sengget,dengan aku 50sen pun mintak balik".

I was like,terkejut gila.yela..niat kita nak tukar,tapi abang tu boleh plak blanje sengget.so thanks sgt2 abg demok2 tapi sweet. Doakan semoga rezeki abang tu dan keluarga beliau bertambah ruah hendakNya.

Sweeetttt gila abang tu. *senyum lebar2* tu buat calon suami pun enak jugak tu.ehehe..

And sekarang I'm having fever,batuk,selsema,dan sakit kepala yang melampau. Dua2 klinik boleh tutup plak kan.pergi pharmacy die bagi ubat flu ape ntah.jap lagi baru makan.

Ps: pendek plak amoi ni potong rambut aku.

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Part of My Life

Assalammualaikum and a very good morning to all.ewah, macam nak buat forum plak. Anyway, today I came across a statement in twitter.I can't put the link because I'm broadcasting using my bb. So the statement was like this,

"If someones want to be part of your life,they will make an effort to be part of it"

Saya sangat setuju dengan statement di atas.sangat-sangat setuju. Mari bincangkan ( dengan diri sendiri).

Contoh,kalau the gf you tak suka you datang lambat,janganlah the bf datang lambat.alasan jem,kete rosak adalah annoying. Takkanlah a day before dating,tak boleh check dulu?kan? And kalau tau jem,can't you put some effort utk gerak 5 jam awal dari waktu sepatutnya?kan?

When I want to go out for date (ini rahsia sebenarnya) two days before until the date,I selalu mandi guna sabun2 mahal(mahalla, 500ml dah RM18++) supaya bau tu melekat.I MAKE AN EFFORT untuk berbau wangi,to make the outmost for the date.

Itu satu. Another thing,kalau the gf tak suka the bf brkawan dengan orang yang dia tak suka atas sebab tertentu, the bf haruslah MAKE an effort untuk tidak berkawan,demi yang tersayang.

Tapi kalau sayang la.kalau tak sayang,lantaklah kan?tinggalkan je gf macam tu demi KAWAN tersayang. Takde masalah.

As for me.kalau I rasa the man is really THE ONE for me,I leave the person yang menjengkelkan dia.mungkin dia cemburu.mungkin dia sayang sangat kat kita,takut2 kita tinggalkan dia.ha,sweet kan?:)

And both parties kena bekerja keras and make an effort untuk happykan your other half.kalau dia tak happy,tak ceria,selalunya bergaduh.bila bergaduh,relationship pun tak berapa nak best. Kalau dua2 make an EFFORT untuk pleased your other half,things will be great.

Yang penting,EFFORT tu!

You boleh berubah,kalau you put some effort for it kan?kannnn??

Ps: bila berfikir,berfikir for both sides.

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BBM Kurang Bijak

Semalam I felt bit different.perasaan. Maka telah bertindak tidak berapa bijak dengan bbm en bf dan mengeluarkan statement tidak berapa bijak kepada beliau. Dan en bf pun merajuk.

Ha kan I dah cakap cik gf ni tak berapa bijak.en bf haruslah bijak,sebab tu dia tak buat statement tak berapa bijak macam ni.

Dah mintak maaf,I mean I la harus mintak maaf sebab "bijak" sangat buat macam tu, terus jadi manja-manja gedik entah pape je.

Semalam malam we had dinner at nenek's,so balik lambat sikit.so I balik dah penat gila and terus kebabom tido.without even wish nite kt en bf.ha cane nak kawen tu,u tell me rite now?hee..

So hari ni,I dengan tanpa segan silu nya hantar la bbm mushy kat en bf.lepas dah anta tu,a few seconds later,en bf bg icon love.lepas tu I rasa malu yang amat sangat sebab jiwaaaannnnggggg gila hantar bbm macam tu. Dah 7 tahun kot,yang awak gedik sangat hantar bbm jiwang tu dah kenapeeeee..

*masukkan kepala dalam beg*

Ps:BBM tak berapa bijak drpd orang bijak,tapi bukan dalam BBM.
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Wait For A Second!

Good morning.bersiaran secara langsung dari konti kerja di tengah-tengah KL. Hari yang sangat cerah,dengan sang burung berkicauan di udara nan biru.

Kadang-kadang, ada sesuatu yang macam kita asyik fikir,tapi kita tak boleh nak bagitau sape2.takut memudaratkan dari segi zahir dan batin. Takut juga mengundang perpecahan kaum,dan juga takut boleh mengancam sesiapa sahaja.

I have something lingering in my mind.I can't tell my bf,I can't tell my friends,jauh sekali family. Allah?Dia tahu,semestinya.sebelum benda ni berlaku pun Allah dah tahu. Hebatkan?

It is (slightly) causes a burden to me,somehow,someway.kadang-kadang I penat sangat fikir pasal nie. Kadang-kadang I fikir kenapa I susah-susah involve in it.why can't I just get out of it?

Atau it is only me who make it into a troublesome-matters-whatsoever?

But heyy,wait a second! Lean back and relax. Setiap masalah mesti ada jalan penyelesaian kan?you know that right Farah?takkan baru sikit dah lembik bongoks macam ni?hahaha..sometimes I think I just need someone that I didn't even know who (s)he is,pastu blurrghh out everything.puas hati kan?

I tak salahkan sesiapa,and I taknak point fingers kat siapa-siapa,and I tak perlukan sesiapa untuk letak dia atas punca semuanya.

Penat.penat.penat.

Dah cukup masa.sikit lagi sampai ke kemuncaknya.nak sabar ke ape nie?atau let it go with the flow?haa..

Tapikan,kalau nak ikutkan,I am lucky by comparing to other unfortunate people.entah kenapa manusia masih tak bersyukur.

Ps: sebok msg kawan2 ajak g karoke weekend ni.dah entah kenapa.

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Sesat dalam Mall

Friday hari tu MC,perut sakit memulas sebab makan fish&chip from san fransisco steak house kat klcc.ok bukan sebab food itu sahaja,banyak lagi yang I sumbat.so I think due to the several chemical reactions inside the stomach causes such feeling.lepak kat rumah the whole day bertemankan toilet.

Sabtu en bf beriya ajak date,dari hari khamis dia dah siap beli tiket transformer.semangat betul.sometimes he is so charming buat I rasa nak tumbuk2 jer dia sebab geram sgt.he is romantic in his own way..so anyway jalan lenggang kangkung je and both of us were so happy sebab macam amazing grace ou kosong.

Sampai je,kebabOm!!memang la kosong,tengah renovation katenye.T_T..the whole old wing is still under progression,new wing haruslah dah cantik menyinar.

Cik gf:"syg..arini I nak shopping..I want to buy shirt,shoes,makeup.."

En bf: "ok dear..u pun dah lame tak shopping..slalu saya je.."


Masuk one of the shop,after a few minutes wondering around,

Cik gf (via BBM): "syg..I'm lost.where r u?I tunggu luar k.."

After 20mins - no reply.


Cik gf (gelabah) masuk balik the shop,berusaha keras cari bf sampai jumpa.jumpa en bf kat satu sudut.

En bf (tanpa rasa bersalah): "syg..yang ni cantik tak?"

Uwaaaaaa...Dia tinggalkan gf dia semata-mata nak shopping,padahal tujuan utama gf die yang nak shopping..bukan diaaaa..T_T

ok terima kasih.

Ps: tengah2 jalan nak pegi GSC, I received a BBM, " budak nakal memang selalu hilang..". Eeeeeeeeeee...


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Vegetarian

One evening, i was having a cup of coffee at starbucks dengan one of my student. the reason i went to a drink dengan dia pun because she skipped her lunch that college has provided for her/them. NASI AYAM. i totally insanely forgot yang dia vegetarian.

i asked her, "why are you switching from being normal to a vegetarian?". no offence, i cant think of any word besides normal, and she's okay with it. slowly, she sipped the hot caramel latte that i've ordered for her and say, "mem', when you eat the animal, eventually you will become one..".

kebabOm!muka i tiba-tiba merah sebab indirectly dia nak cakap i macam binatang. tapi i teringat, kita sebagai umat islam, memakan binatang (bukan bangkai) adalah bukan kesalahan/dosa. tapi i tak menafikan apa yang dia cakap, sebab makanan yang kita makan kan jadi darah daging kita.

MAYBE one of the reason kenapa mereka yang memakan binatang berperangai seperti seekor binatang simply because, mereka tidak memakan binatang yang disembelih mengikut Islam dan syariat Islam. kadang-kadang kita makan dekat western reastaurant yang tidak ada tanda HALAL, sebab kita kata dia tak dapat status HALAL sebab jual beer, without even realize the chicken, meat and lamb is from , out of nowhere?

takpelah, i taknak sentuh tu sebab semua dah besar and boleh fikir sendiri mana satu Halal and mana satu Haram. right?cuma i just want to remind you, flexible flexible jugak, kalau benda tu dah haram, jangan la kata halal yer.

thinking about being a vegetarian. uuuhh...i love vege. semua except CARROT. no carrot juice for me and no carrot yang tebal-tebal keras for me. yang lembek and lenyek2 boleh la. being a vege is healthy. kalau you all taknak makan meat pun boleh, you can get the protein from soya and banyak lagi.

tapi kan, bila teringat kalau jadi vege tak boleh dah nak makan ikan 3 rasa denga encik bf, terus tertutup pintu hati ku ini. bayangkan kalau pegi makan, kita makan sup sayur, kueytoew sup sayur, dan encik bf makan ikan siakap 3 rasa, tomyam seafood, sotong goreng tepung, memang lah ade rasa nak terbalikkan meja makan. oh so dengki kann??

maka, saya tidak mahu menjadi vegetarian, cuma saya akan kurangkan pengambilan carbohydrate yang sememangnya takde kena mengena dengan protein mahupun vegetarian.

sekiannn.