Negative Vibes

tadi tengah kemas-kemas pendrive. ha ha ha pendrive pun nak kemas. panggggg sekali! yela...dah document semua berterabur dalam tu, haruslah kan kemas masuk susun dalam folder cantik-cantik. then masa kemas-kemas tu terjumpe la satu document. document tu la puncanya ada titik hitam dalam hati i ni. hurmm... titik hitam tu bukan sebab perasaan dendam ke ape. titik hitam tu macam satu benda paling buruk pernah berlaku dalam hidup i. kira macam, sepanjang i hidup, itulah 'benda' yang paling mengecewakan. and it hurts so bad that i decided to leave malaysia for good. and truly said, i'm not over it totally. i tau kita patut let go for good things to come our way, but i just cant. lagi2 especially when im all alone atau dengar lagu sedih, kata-kata yang menghancurkan hati i lingering in my mind. and yes, setiap kali teringat bulu roma i akan berdiri, thinking it 'that' thing happen again, what else would i do?

leave malaysia for good? maybe i will. and i bring sophea sekali. that would be nice eh growing up in suburbs of wales, or london. ehehehe.... can go shopping what. he he he... i just hope and pray that people will always keep their promises.

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oh semalam encik husband konvo. being a wife, i always been proud with him. entahlah, knowing that he is always passionate for the job, and do things accordingly, i just hope in 10 years time dia dapat gelaran datuk. wahh...tinggi kan angan-angan. yela, if he become datuk, i go shopping. hahahah.... nampak tak permainan dia kat situ? haahaha....

i always proud to be his wife, always proud whenever he touches my hand and hold it tight. siapa yang tak suka bila dia rasa disayangi. siapa? semua suka. me too.... macam pagi tadi, dahla bangun lambat, but he kept holding my hand, hugged me tightly, padahal mata i laju je tengok jam pukul berapa dia nak bangun dari katil. but still i dont want to paksa him bangun, sebab helloooo...siapa plak suka tengah tidur kena kejut kan?? slow slow la. pastu nak golek-golek peluk2 kat katil. pastu nanti bising2 lambat...hahaha...cute tapi annoying. padahal dia yang buat lambat tu... hahaha...

i tak tau la perasaan dia kat i camne setelah nak masuk 2 tahun kahwin ni.but for me, my feelings for him still going strong. in fact, it getting stronger when sophea came into the picture. i see him, my beloved husband more like our life's line, as our protector. he, has the biggest influence in our lives. i just feel safe whenever im with him.

i'm sure sophea feel the same way too. *senyum*

hahaha...tetiba nak feeling cinta plak. ni mesti kes tertengok document yang penuh sejarah hitam tu. whenever i picture.............. ok im tired with all these. why la benda ni jadi kat aku??? kalau la boleh basuh brain kite nie so that i cannot remember any of these bullshit kan bagus. sakit otak jugakla sebenarnye.. orang maybe cakap, "ala kau je selalu pikir2...teringat2..memang la sakit hati..". memang la, but hello...it's there. in my BRAIN! that is what we called MEMORY. we can't delete the memories.

mood dah ke laut ni. haihhh.... baru nak stay positive. half day je dapat?? hahaha...

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dah la. i just want to have a happy life. i dont need people who dont stay the same path with me. they can go if they dont like to stay in my route, the route to happiness. i want. i do really want. having loving husband who loves me and the babies. i really2 want it.

so ya Allah, sentiasa kurniakan kebahagiaan buat aku dan suami serta anak2. panjangkan jodoh kami sehingga ke syurga. permudahakn segala urusan kami di dunia dan juga akhirat. amin. insyaallah.