What did i do wrong?

What did i do wrong?

Soalan yang keep on haunting me kalau i rasa things are not the way it suppose to be. Things that are not going to the place it should go. and i was so scared that things will never go to where i suppose it should be. confusing much? so do i.

What did i do wrong?

i have no answer. i have been searching for it for as long as i know but yet i didnt have the answer. i was scared. i really am. scared of things yang i tak tau ...like what will happen. i feel like im all alone doing this BIG thing. trying so hard to ensure that it will not fall down.

What did i do wrong?

maybe i feel like people will not betray me. people will always be kind to me, and treat me with respect and attention.

maybe at this time only i realized that i was actually did something wrong. i let people do exactly what they like, i let people do things that they are not suppose to do, i let my emotion over powered my critical thinking, i let love (if you read my blog you will know that i am person who have so much love for the people that i love, so much that i sometimes forgot to love my own self) keep me away from reality. i let people take me for granted.

for so many times.

and now i know i have to do something. but what is it? but how?

Quickie!

it's been a very long time since i last post an entry here. well, life has been good but i am really really busy like there is not time even to look at the instagram. hahaha... that is how busy i am. kat instagram bukan stalk other people's life okay, but more to online shopping...hahaha...

what should i update here?

my master class is almost done. lagi 2 semester habis. husband can't never been so nice. kadang2 lunch pon dia belikan makan. i balik tengah hari nk pergi class, the food are already there atas meja. kadang2 rasa macam sebak sebab supposely i la yang kena sediakan lunch untuk dia kan, but he did almost everything for me.

including lipat kain. you see, there are tons or perhaps pile of clothes bila jemuran kering, sebab i jenis yang bila baju tu dah melekat kt badan even for 1 hour, i takkan pakai dah. so thats why penuh je basuhan. hahaha... but again, dia la yang lipat kan. every single time.

sama la kalau siapkan beg susu bebudak. dia jugak. haihh...he has been so nice to me.

eh okayla. ni update dalam kelas ni. nanti update lagi k. muaahh!!

Tips Berpantang Mudah Untuk Ibu Moden

hahahaha...

kita ni asal boleh je kan nak pantang. yela, zaman sekarang semua nak mudah, cepat, efficient, tapi yang pasti end result memang power. so kat sini, i just wanted to share what did i do during my berpantang days, it helps me to ease some burden and enjoy my confinement way better than my first pregnancy.

orait. the moment you step out from the hospital, just set in mind, berpantang ini mudah, semudah ABC.

kalau boleh start seawal pagi yang boleh. dalam pukul 5am? maybe masa ni hari pertama tukang urut datang. selalu tukang urut cakap tak yah mandi dulu, yela kan dia nak urut pakai minyak, so takkan sampai dua kali nak mandi pagi tu. just basuh muka and gosok gigi, tukar la pad. pastu  pam susu.sesambil tunggu kakak tukang urut tu, korang kemas la tempat tidur korang, bukak tingkap biar angin segar masuk. siapkan set pakai baby and letak tepi. pastu breakfast la sesambil tunggu.

tukang urut sampai korang pun start urut. let say baby nangis nak susu masa urut, stop kejap, bagi susu kat baby. tukang urut akan tunggu. tukang urut yang baik tak akan kisah pun. lepas tu dah siap urut apa bagai, korang pun mandi, kan? time ni pass baby kat akak tukang urut itu untuk mandikan, or if its not in the pakej, suh la mak korang mandikan. my son mandi seawal 8 pagi. mandi air panas and splash2.

nanti akak tu akan pakai kan bengkung. by the time siap semua pun dalam 11 to 12 pm. masa ni dah sibuk nak lunch. lepas lunch time ni baru korang nak rehat sikit. nak pam, nak tungku pun boleh. usually 12 to 5pm adalah me time.

kul 5pm mandikan baby. lepas baby mandi, mommy pulak mandi. pastu ready for dinner. dalam kul 7pm siapla.kul 8-10pm pun adalah me time. nak pam susu, tungku pun boleh. korang takyah hirau la pasal tv ke hp ke. selalu dalam 2weeks pertama tu i mmg jarang pegang hp.

pastu tido la, sebab malam kita memang ngantuk tapi TERPAKSA susukan anak yang nak susu.

baju kotor ape kejadah semua?
inilah peranan suami. baju iols and baby kotor husband hantar self service  siap dry kan lagi. kadang dia balik i yang excited nak lipat sebab panas2 lagi.

itu jelah i nak share pun. sebenarnye berubah2 tapi i ade keje ni nak buat. hahaha...nanti sambung lagi k.

Beza mengandung anak lelaki dengan perempuan

Hi semekom. hari ni nak share beza nya masa i mengandung anak perempuan dengan anak lelaki. sebab dah merasa ada dedua boleh la share kan. hihi maybe lain ibu, lain anak, lain ragam nya. so jangan stress, jangan sibuk nak compare dengan orang lain, ingat satu benda je, kita nak anak kita sihat dan selamat dilahirkan.

1. Anak perempuan
- perut mengembang ke kiri dan ke kanan. kira dari depan tak nampak pregnant, tapi nampak gemok. sorry. hahaha...perut slightly kecik dari mengandung anak lelaki. so memang i takde keluar stretch marks.
Anak lelaki
- perut memanjang ke hadapan. . dari depan tak nampak pregnant, dari tepi, hello....perot macam nak meletop dah. hahaha... perut slightly besar. well hello stretch marks. T_T

2. Anak perempuan
- i only vomit twice or 3 times sepanjang pregnant
Anak lelaki
- i only vomit once.

3. Anak perempuan
- baby quite active dalam perut. especially dah nak dekat EDD.
Anak lelaki
- kurang active. active bila mommy lepas makan jer. haha...

4. Anak perempuan
- kaki muka tangan mommy semua bengkak seawal bulan ke 6. water retention yang sangat teruk tak boleh nak solat macam biasa. i guna kerusi untuk solat. hence, kaki naik one size bigger.
Anak lelaki
- kaki je bengkak itu pun 2 minggu sebelum EDD pastu dia dah surut. hence solat adalah seperti biasa throughout pregnancy. suka sangat.

5. Anak perempuan
- mommy suka sangat makan benda manis macam chocolate and cakes. kalau takde stok kat umah, mommy sanggup makan roti sapu butter buh gula.
Anak lelaki
- mommy suka sangat makan pedas. selagi tak pedas rasa tak puas.

6. Anak perempuan
- max weight mommy increased adalah 25kg
Anak lelaki
- max weight mommy increased adalah 15kg

7. Anak perempuan
- tanda bersalin= tumpah darah. just a tiny dot of blood in the toilet bowl. tak sakit.
Anak lelaki
- tanda bersalin = tumpah darah. blood show siap macam ada selaput darah keluar sekali. darah meleleh ke lantai. tak sakit.

8. Anak perempuan
- mommy muka bersepah, tak bermakeup, and malas nak keluar jenjalan.
Anak lelaki
- mommy cecantik, rajin, sampai a day before bersalin pun siap mop rumah bagai.

9. Anak perempuan and anak lelaki
- both pregnancy takde sakit2 ke, lemah2 ke.
- both pregnancy tak kerap kencing

10. Anak perempuan
- took like 3 hours punya contraction, 3 kali push, 3 stitches.
- contraction adalah mild.
Anak lelaki
- took like 2 hours punya contraction, 1 kali push, 1 stitches
- contraction sangatlah intense rasa macam nak mati. hahahaa....seriously.

11. Anak perempuan
- baby lahir 3.31kg / normal delivery
Anak lelaki
- baby lahir 3.34kg / normal delivery

so itu lah bezanya. macam mana nak dapat anak lelaki or anak perempuan? hahaha...i rasa i tau tapi aishh...segan la nak cakap. itu u ols google la sendiri, ada je diorang dah bagitau. hahaha..

apa-apa pun...x kisahlah anak lelaki or anak perempuan, mereka tetap amanah Allah yang kita kena jaga sepanjang hayat kita. take care mommies!

Quickie!

Can i say that. now (i feel) my life is already complete?

I'm going to start with, Alhamdulilah (all praise to Allah). Ya' know why?

1. I have a loving husband, whom I'd known for almost 13 years.
2. I have two babies (yeay?). A 2 yr old girl and a 1 mth old boy. Boleh tutup kilang sekejap i guess. well, i love to have a lot of babies, but yeah. you know what i mean.
3. I still have a job. Can't wait to meet all of my students and start the class.
4. I pass my exams with flying colours. Paper dah la bapak susah.
5. I get back my weight before pregnant because i can fit in into my Levi jeans. why bother? sebab that was a gift from my husband and i pakai 2 kali je before my tummy grew. jyeah! but kena buat sit up because the pouch is still there. haish!

Nanti nak update cerita delivery and macam2 lagi....for the time being, let me enjoy my moments!

Effort in love

baru lepas lunch, solat, mandi, ni dah amik notes nak study for next paper. sekali rasa macam, ok ngantuk, meh update blog. anyway my daughter tengah nyenyak tidur kat sebelah. she's the one who pointed her fat short finger towards the bedroom nak tidur.

tadi daddy balik kejap bawakkan food (nasi hujan panas kemarau...haha), lepas she kiss2 her daddy, terus gi bilik.

anyway, another 3 weeks to go before my baby come out. my feeling? seriously excited, rasa macam lebih excited dari pregnant kan sophea. sebab, masa first pregnancy tu i macam, slow mo, taknak over excited (walaupun...), kan orang cakap jangan excited sangat. but this baby, aiyakk...cannot wait mehh...x sabar nak jumpa dia, susukan dia, jaga dia, tengok kerenah dia. im so ready, insyaAllah!

barang2 semua dah siap. kalau nak ikutkan memang la takkan pun siap nye. but thinking that nowadays it is very easy to get/buy things so takpela. nak pakai baru kita cari.

husband? well, he can never be better than this. haha...he has been very supportive, and selalu sangat la manja kan i. i ni Pisces-baby. so mood swing tu selalu. so he has to be awesome to encounter my moodyness. korang jangan tak caya, dah nak dekat 13 tahun kot kitorang together. dari dulu sampai sekarang perangai i memang sama je. kadang-kadang macam tak percaya plak that we actually made it into marriage, and actually make two babies together.

euuwww.....hahahaha!!

nevertheless, perasaan i, the way i looked at him, is just the same when first i met him. orang kata, perasaan suka. cinta ni tak boleh buat2, sebab when you reach a certain point, benda tu jadi bosan sebab kita force ourselves to like someone. but in my case, nope. i really do love him.

honestly speaking, setiap kali doa, memang i akan cakap, " yaAllah yaTuhanku, panjangkanlah jodoh aku dengan (nama suami) sampai ke syurga". tiap kali. tak pernah tinggal. kecuali kalau doa pendek sebab nak cepat ke ape la...hahaha...

bukan sekali dua hubungan goyah....( goyah la..lelaki hensem ramai...hikhik), tetapi still our love getting stronger for every bitterness we faced. and tiap kali itu lah, makin kuat and makin we both know that we actually need each other.

dah kalau tiap kali makan pun nak berteman, tiap kali nak tidur pun mesti at least pegang tangan (expecially masa aircond rosak harapan la nak tidur pelok2...tumbok kang!), tak nampak lagi ke betapa we need each other. itu kalau tak sedar lagi tu, sila terjun bangunan.

eh ni nasihat untuk orang lain ke or untuk diri sendiri ni? hahahaha.....

ni anak dah dua ni. kata orang perasaan dah beralih arah. tak tau la kalau beliau beralih arah. but for me, same old same old. i still madly in love with him.i will always be there for him, for forever. or for as long as he wants me to be his wife. kalau he doesn't love me anymore, well, siapa kita nak paksa. terima jelah ketentuan Allah.

mane tau lepas tu sukri yahya ke...keith foo ke datang. hahaha...

tips nak hubungan selalu 'in love' konon nye...dua-dua kena berusaha. dua-dua kene tunjuk effort yang kite sayang dia, and nak dia dalam hidup kita. walaupun dah kahwin. macam ahkak, effort nye adalah, bagi soalan cepu emas di tempat yang least expected.

contoh, masa encik husband tengah pakai kasut nak pergi kerja, i will ask, "B, u sayang i tak?". kalau time tu die rasa nak jawab die jawab la, kalau die xnak, termalu-malu la sendiri iolss...hahaha...

oklah, nanti kalau free i update lagi k. ingat, love those who love you!

Kejap

Assalammualaikum.
Yes, i'm back!haha...sebab dah start maternity leave. i just take 1 month early from EDD because i have my master exams and also, well to equip myself (and my mind) to have a second baby of my own.

so anyway, yesterday we (me and friends) had a study group at my university. can you imagine, me-being pregnant at 36 weeks, bawak bag pack and go for a study group? lawak ok...dengan mengah2 nyer..ahaha...janji kul 11am but i managed to skip to go for my routine check up, and i waited for 3 hours ok. ni paling lama i pernah tunggu kat government hospital.phewww...nak free kan, telan je la...kalau nurse tu ngelat ke, ngulor ke, ikhlas ke tak, itu between dia dengan bos dia dengan Allah. siapa la kita nak mempertikaikan...last i sampai university pukul 2.30pm.

what did i get from the study group?a lot. repetitive question. format of answer / answer scheme. best kan? memudahkan kita nak study. husband? biasa la. skeptical. dia kata dulu dia study sorang2 je boleh dapat cgpa 4.0. kan i cakap, husband i tu alien....hahahaha...i tak tau la dia buat apa, makan nota dia kot jadik pandai camtu.

orang biasa2 macam i, haruslah kena baca nota 14 juta kali.haha...

Okay, nanti i sambung lagi k. sebab nak print notes dengan exam papers. ala korang...macam la tak pernah jadi student dulu...muuaahh!!

Being redha

you know, sometimes at one point of your life, you don't care about anything else rather than yourself, and people who loves you, and people that you love the most. even to come to an extend, you just care about yourself and your family, cause you know that family wont leave you terkedek-kedek behind. heh...

im at my almost 7months now. baby is growing well. i already know the baby's gender but yet not to reveal it till the baby is born. i just want to say ALHAMDULILAH. thank you Allah for giving me such rezeki.

anyway, do you know about redha? and what actually it means and what are the effects of redha towards one's life?

 "Redha bermaksud menerima dengan rasa senang dengan apa yang diberikan oleh Allah s.w.t samada ia baik atau buruk, samada ia berupa hukum, qada' mahupun ketentuan daripada Allah s.w.t".

especially when you had a bad day, or something bad happened to you that day. at first we might feel dissapointed, outcast, frustrated, angry, maybe we might blame others, or we might even blame ourselves due to what happened. but when it comes to being 'redha'. you will look at things differently, different dari apa judgements kita at the first place. we can even accept it simply just like that without being judgemental.

and you even feel relax and calm.something yang kita boleh achieved just by being 'redha'. redha dengan segala apa yang Allah dah tentukan untuk kita.

this year 2015, really a year yang i takkan lupa seumur hidup i. both good and bad things did happened to me. and you never know what i had been through this year, and i passed through it, ALONE. alone (but not lonely definitely...haha). faced it, digested it, ALONE. i can say that i'm a pretty strong woman. i might not be a pious woman, but just by simply being redha dengan apa yang Allah dah 'tulis' untuk i, makes me what i am today.

so for what i had been through, give me sky and mountain, insyaAllah i can survive.hahaha...ish, takbur bunyik nya. no, what i mean is, experienced do teach me, you can never trust a person 100% except for yourself. this was what i get when i trusted a person too much. err...but i tend to trust people easily. one of my weaknesses maybe. tapi..really i tak sangka..

right now, just by being redha, i dah tak berapa kisah what will happen in my life, sekarang or later. i had gave so much, and this is how it repay me, then suit themselves. be it work, study, or anything in between. i just want to do things that make my life happy and conducive enough for my babies to grow well. I HAD GAVE SO SO MUCH, probably TOO MUCH. and now people do take me for granted.

if that so, then que sera sera. ;)

remember, life is too short to be wasted. people come and go, memory wont last for that long, yang sentiasa ada dengan kita is Allah, and He will never leave us, only we who left Him.

Hello There Baby

baru lepas bayar all the credit cards, mainly for citibank. nyesal plak apply hari tu sebab dia bagi 4 sekali credit card. lupa walapun free for life, government tax rm50 kene bayar jugakkan. so total ada 7 credit card sekarang termasuk 1 supplementary. im going to decline 4 tinggalkan 3 jer. husband kata susah nak managed nanti. sometimes he is totally right. ;)

anyway, i nak buat official announcement sebab i tau takde siapa yang akan baca blog ni melainkan a few friends yang entah bukak lagi ke tak blog i, hahaha....and readers yang kemungkinan tak kenal who am i. but i tau siapa yang kenal i, tak mungkin akan war-warkan cerita ni sebab i tak kasi *garang*. hikhik...

well anyway, i dah 5 months pregnant!! wahahaha...dalam pada taknak tu, tersangkut pulak. what more can i say melainkan ALHAMDULILAH. i dah tau i pregnant dari mula lagi, but bak kata orang2 tua, awal2 jangan dihebahkan dulu. sekarang pun taknak hebahkan jugak, that's why i just cakap kat sini. sebab this pregnancy is more interesting than masa sophea.

The Start
oh well, memang kitorang planned nak tunggu sophea dah besar, around 5 or 6 untuk ada the second baby. me and husband were already discussed upon this matter and agreed to wait until the right time to have second baby. but before this thing happened, husband pernah cakap, "is it normal to feel jealous when our friends are having their second baby?". i dah gelak-gelak masa tu (gelak campur ketiak basah, amendelah  dia merepek nie...adoiii). i cakap, "well, some people do. but i dont. kenapa?". dia tak jawab, dia senyum jer. cehh..kurang asam.

Fyi, we dont use family planning pils or etc, we do it natural way because i learned, stopping yourself from being pregnant not due to health problems is HARAM. so kitorg just lari2 dari ovulation day.

The Beginning of the Story
tapi i tau sesuatu akan terjadi bila i lambat sehari dari tarikh sepatutnya i have my period. darn....  i pergi beli pregnancy test secretly, and try at night, same macam masa sophea, 8.30 pm. and there it was, the second purple line next to the control line. oh well, hello there....hahahaha...

i punya menggigil la, and when i wait for encik husband to come home, we sat quietly on our comfort bed, and telling him i am pregnant, dia pun terkejut and tak percaya. the first question coming from him was, "macam mana boleh pregnant?". i rasa macam nak tumbuk muka dia right that moment.

"macam mana boleh pregnant? i pegi carefour tadi beli ikan, pastu balik tetiba dah pregnant". ha kan...soalan tak beragak. hahahaha.

lepas tu i menangis. sebab i looked at him. he doesnt look very happy. tapi i silap, i lupe muka husband i memang cenggitu. hahaha...muka keras jer. yela, dalam movie kan, nanti husband hug bini dia, buat bulatan, pastu nangis sesama...hahaha....silly me.

Pregnancy Symptom
none. dulu masa sophea, in record muntah dalam 3 kali jer sepanjang 9 bulan. adik beliau,in record, takde. alhamdulilah. cuma masa sophea i love sweet food, desserts especially. chocolate, cake, pavlova, aaaa semua tu i makan.

this time around i suka makan pedas and a lot of sushi. dessert pun takde

 Boy or Girl 
yet to be known. still small. tapi doc ade say something about it. im just blessed. this baby will come out insyaallah dalam bulan 6 2015. doakan saya sihat dan dipermudahkan yer.

Rezeki
betul bila Allah kata setiap anak ada rezeki masing2. kitorang risau jugak kalau tak dapat cater all the babies need kan. tapi:

1. mommy dapat increment in salary
2. daddy naik pangkat
3. daddy dapat beli rumah and we will be moving in, in 2017

just too surreal for me.

to husband, i just pray that Allah will keep our family together sayang. dalam susah dalam senang, we will always be here for each other. we had been through so much, and i dont think other people will survive that. i just rasa bersyukur bersyukur and bersyukur on what we have today, and on what we stand on now.i just love you and our babies so so much.

"there is no perfect family. but together we can make it perfect "

Being a loyal wife

Assalammualaikum.

Being a wife is not easy. being a loyal wife even harder. not the fact that a wife do not want to be a loyal person, it is just that 'she' was not been appreciated the way she had been loyal to her husband, all these while.

taking care of the house, the kids, all the clothes, cooking and everything else, what do you mean when you say "it is not enough for a man" and the fact that boys will always be boys. i mean like, com'on , dont you think if is not enough for a girl, we would actually definitely fine other guys to fit all the three quota?

but we don't my dear husband(s). as what Islam taught us to be humble in everything we do, and be satisfied with everything we have in life, we have everything we want, why do we need 3 husbands then?

please.

we, wives, has been sacrificed a lot. definitely a lot more than you. marry you, give birth, our body are distorted (hahaha...) due to the pregnancy, tak rasa kesian ke kat kitorang?

Like seriously. kalau dah tak suka sangat kat kitorang, just leave us and be happy with the one who can actually can make you happy. but just dont lie to us, dont hurt us physically (no pukul2) and mentally, serta emotionally. kalau you husbands dah tak mampu nak cater kebahagiaan kitorang wives, biar other guys have the chance to make us happy. ececececehhhh...

we also have the right to be happy.

ps: orang lain punya cerita, aku lak yang emo. hahaha....ini tak boleh jadi... hahaha

Ready for second baby?

nope. i'm not pregnant. hahaha.... it is just the question of "when are we going to have our second baby?" comes lingering in my mind (lately!). is was not like i-want-the-baby-now kind of thing,like really. it was just like, a thought, a question and that's all. because definitely we want more than one child of our own. right? of course, my husband did once or twice asking 'us' the same question but not in a kind of serious tone. but by listening to that coming out from his mouth, giving me butterflies in the stomach. hahaha...

a happy one yea, bukan yang cuak. haha.. means i've done a good job of being a mother that makes him goes, "my lady, she's an awesome mom! so i want another one with her.." hahahaha...

anyway, we didn't take any medicine to suppress the objective of getting pregnant, we just do it our own way. preventing the ovulation days etc etc. for us, being pregnant is an ultimate gift from Allah, so why bother stopping Him? because you can't my dear. kun fa ya kun. semua atas izin Allah. so for us, kalau Allah nak bagi, either we are ready or not, we have to do it. our responsibilities. Amanah Allah. jadi kena la jaga kan?

it's the fact that we have to wake up early, sleeping deprives, costing on milk and diapers etc etc make us wonder whether are we financially and emotionally stable for our second baby. for my side, it is more to emotional stability. penat kot.

but the thought of getting the best smell in the whole world, bau baby... bau masam susu dia, hearing the baby's cry, those tiny little fingers, the innocent look on their faces, the act of trying to 'burp' them...ahhh...those priceless experiences that actually make us mom coming back for more children. sobs.... i just reminisced the early days of me and baby sophea. how tiny she was. hihi...

so if you asked me, have i or havent i be ready for our second baby? ermm..it's a NO. hihi..i have plenty of things need to be learn as a mother of one. studying the pattern and trying to deliver the best that i can to be a good mom. while on the husband's side, he did a tremendous job of being a handsome father. he had give so much love to baby sophea since day one. i couldn't ask for more.

The ease

still on holiday. but too much of holidays could be the reason of stress. hahaha...ade ke? ade ke yang stress bila holiday and dapat gaji at the same time? maybe for someone who is workaholic, it could stress him/her out. actually i suka la sangat cuti, but this cuti lebih kepada 'standby'. anytime the management can call me and said, " please report your duty to the management tommorow'. ha nampak? habis tu camne nak pergi cuti kan? tu yang stress nye. kalau dia cakap " you are on leave until december 2014 " haruslah iolss dah pergi cuti. hahaha....

but anyway, class master dah start. as much as i enjoying myself attending the classes, the thought of having tests and exams are killing me, literally my mood. haihh... can we just make it like attending courses and tadaa..." you are a MSc holder..". err...i know life cannot be that simple. whateves...

since my MIL is away for Hajj, and luckily im still on leave, so baby sophea i la jaga. and since my classes are held in city campus, takkan i nak drive all the way from my home back and forth kan. penat lagi (i enjoy driving once i awhile) masa minyak etc etc. but i still hold on to pepatah orang2 tua, "bersusah-susah dulu, bersenang2 kemudian..".

husband has been so nice to me. dah lama tak cerita pasal dia kan? sejak dia naik pangkat, he has been busy with all his works, and i don't mind at all al long as dia balik. lepas naik pangkat lagi banyak dia outstation. lucky me hari tu dapat follow dia pergi jepun, la ni tengok la pergi zimbabwe ke mana i nak ikot jugak...teehee...

ahh talking about me pursuing my master and not be able to help around the house much, husband sangat la helpful. he washed the clothes, hang them and even folding the bajus. and he dont even complain! cuma dia cakap dia rindu nak i masak untuk dia. i guess i nak masak la weekend ni untuk dia. i miss waking up very early in the morning during weekend while husband and baby sophea are still sleeping, and i kemas the whole house, and even done my cooking.

sometimes when i jenguk into our room, my two babies are playing happily entah apa dia borak dengan daddy dia. gelak2 la ape. sometimes one of them je dah bangun (guess who??mestila si kecik dah panjat2 daddy dia). and sometimes both of them tak bangun lagi. waking them up with hugs and kisses. and then breakfast together. rindu sangat...

sekarang weekend pun ade class. sobs...

how lucky i am to have such an understanding and considerate and loveable husband. i couldn't agree more and couldn't even think what had i done in the past to be blessed with such a wonderful husband. he makes me love him even more and makes me want him in every second of my life.

i just hope Allah will ease everything. and make us grow closer and fonder to each other. oklah nak google recipe!!

Quick Update

assalammualaikum.....teehee...lama gila tak write up kat sini. oh well, being mommy is no-more playing around man. but definitely a fun one. anyway, can we have a little bit of snip shot of my life (mestilah 'my life' kate blog sendiri kan?hihi). i will put in in numbering sebab...it looks fun to me...hahaha..

1. remember when i gave birth to baby sophea a year ago? yes...dah setahun rupanya. anyway, during puasa i had my confinement and then i went to japan and due to the time difference adalah hari yang tak puasa. same goes to this year!! this year during puasa i went to london, so tak puasa la jugak for a few days. thus, raya tak berapa nak fun sebab mama cakap orang yang tak puasa tak boleh raya. no?

2. baby sophea is still a baby (at least to me!). this coming september, she will be 1 year and 4 months old. toddler ke dah eh?nantilah check. so tengok ape yang dia dah pandai? (err...i thought all babies are pandai, kita ni diorang kecik lagi dah nak bezakan2 anak org tu lembap, anak orang tu cerdik. so sick la society nowadays). anyway, sophea dah pandai jalan. sophea dah ade gigi. rambut dh panjang. mommy memang sengaja biar panjang menutupi matanya, nak bagi panjang and nak ikat rambut dia macam budak bawah nie.

3. i don't know if i did lose some weight, but the kgs dont go up either. so i guess it is good for me. cuma bila kita lama sangat tak exercise lemah sangat sendi. occasionally adelah i buat a few workout routine, but selalunya workout routine i angkat sophea, kemas rumah, iron baju etc etc. ha!i guess sebab tu la weight tak naik eh?ohh okay...so lepas ni jangan bising la penat kemas rumah bagai, it s a sort of exercise. hahaha.... tapi perot tak leh cover la.menangis tengok.

4. i just love my job. 2 months holiday with salary, awesome kan?? rezeki wehh...sebab tu i tak paham bila orang suka complaint macam2 dalam hidup diorang. gaji sikit tak puas hati, gaji banyak tak puas hati. boss bagi kerja, boring pergi kerja. banyakkk la bunyik sedangkan setiap 10minit kerja kau update status kat facebook? puii... sebab tu i selalu cakap dengan husband i, " sayang...apa yang kita dapat hari ni semua ketentuan Allah. gaji banyak mana, dapat boss macam mana, dapat rumah besar mana...semua tu rezeki Allah. so bila kita start complaint and start comparing, maksudnya kita macam menyalahkan Allah kan? kita macam cakap indirectly yang Allah tu tak adilkan? " . memanglah, kita nak have a better life, tapi bila iols tengok cara kau cakap pungpang2 dalam facebook mendidih jugak. pakai tudang, pergi masjid, iols yakin sembahyang tak tinggal, so kenapa la hidup penuh dengan ketidakpuashatian je kak?

5. alhamdulilah dapat rezeki sambung master. tapi tetiba tak yakin boleh complete kan. yelah, mane nak kerja, jaga anak, jaga laki, jaga rumah, jaga penampilan (ehem!), mana nak study lagi. hahaha...tapi tak boleh nak sorok la, i sebenarnya kind of excited nak masuk kelas study and pay attention (sangat!). mampu ke tak?? nanti ada yang watsapp husband... "daddy, gambar sophea pleasee..". hahaha...that's what we have been doing kalau any of us outstation. hahaaha..

6. next step adalah tunggu husband buat decision, nak beli rumah ke nak beli kereta. ke nak beli iphone? jadahhhh....hahaha...i setuju sangat2 kalau dia beli rumah. i just nak rumah 1 floor pun tak pe, tapi bilik at least 3. hall luas, dengan dapur luas. eh ade ke? haha...tapi i cakap siang2 k, rumah tu, i nak decorate. refurnishing kate omputih. hahaha...

oklah....dah ngantok ni. haha...iolss tengah berlatih nak stay up pagi untuk assignment and tests. hahahahaha...... #semangat

ramadhan #1

eeee dah masuk ramadhan kot.

tahun ni adalah tahun ketiga raya as husband and wife, and tahun kedua raya dengan sophea. last year puasa masih dalam confinement so tak puasa full. and masa tu jugak kat tokyo, jepun. awww i missed jepun so much.

boring betul sebab puasa tahun ni jatuh masa my menstrual cycle. bapak bosan. tak leh nak excited sangat la first day puasa semalam. prftttt.

so since i pun dah start cuti, bermula kisah fulltime housewife ni. aww nasiblah i ni excited hal-hal rumah tangga, mana nak cari isteri cmni di zaman millenium ni...hahahaha....so ikan semua dah keluar. harini rasanya nak masak ikan bawal sweet sour, ikan masin and sambal belacan, air cincau.

kuih muih takde , itu kena tanya encik husband kalau dia nak beli.oklah got to go. sophea dah bangun!

Kesetiaan. Sampai bila?

am i the right person to talk about kesetiaan? sebab being in a relaionship for almost a decade, ok tipu. hahaha..i've been with my soulmate ni dah almost 10 years, and we have been married for 2 years now. so am i the right person to talk about kesetiaan?? i guess i am. ah kalau korang tak setuju pun i don't care. kang i tak tau nak cerita apa. so let's proceed!hahaha

1. bila kena setia??
ha meh i nak cakap. setia itu bermula bukan the moment kite cakap kita couple, or masa merisik, bertunang, or masa menikah. kesetiaan itu bermula dari mula-mula kita kenal dia. sebab kalau dari mula kita dah ada rasa sangsi, dah ada pilihan lain, macam mana nak kira kesetiaan tu kan. "i suka ahmad, tapi belum tentu ahmad suka kita, so takpe kita ada ali." ha nampak? kita tak boleh buat macam tu, tu tak jujur namenye yer. go for it kalau kita rasa he's the one.doa banyak2 moga Allah bukakan hati dia dan kita.

2. dengan siapa kita nak setia?
dengan orang yang kita rasa nak buat dia jadi suami kita. dan orang itu haruslah menunjukkan komitmen yan sama untuk berumah tangga dengan kita. kalau cara dia tak meyakinkan, doa banyak2 dan tanya la kalau dia ni nak main2 je ke or what. don't be afraid with rejection. kalau nak cerita pasal rejection, i had been in my worst condition due to he rejection. whoahh patah hati tiada galang ganti. sampai sekarang masih berbekas dan kita masih cuba untuk turap bekas-bekas itu. tapi kalau kita not overthink about rejection and paling penting jangan letak too much of expectation, insyallah things will be great. lebih baik tahu sekarang, dan bukan lagi 2 jam nak akad nikah. right?

3. sampai bila nak setia?
oh, sampai masa yang allah izinkan. ingat, perasaan sayang, bf, suami ni semua pinjaman allah. sampai satu masa kita kena pulangkan, whether we like it or not. masa jadi bf, mungkin banyak alasan bf bagi kalau ajak kahwin, tak cukup duit lah, nantilah, etc etc. give him time. lelaki ni memang betul needs time untk adapt. diorang tak hebat macam kita perempuan. sebab tu kita boleh lahirkan anak. sebab kita kuat. tai kalau dia bagi banyak alasan, tapi bab pegang2 lebih2 nak, haruslah distopkan dengan kadar segera. what the heck kan? and tanya pada diri sendiri, ikhlas ke tak lelaki tu dengan kita. untuk yang dah berkahwin, tiada lagi istilah diri sendiri. anak, kaum keluarga, semua kena fikir. sekali bole tahan, telan. doa dan mintak petunjuk. but at the same time kita sendiri usaha untk perbaiki kelemahan kita.

kahwin ni bukan untuk seronok-seronok. walapun i is the rasa seronok sangat lepas dah kahwin ni, hahahaha.....tak boleh nak digambarkan. i rasa sebab kita kahwin sebab Allah, cinta sebab Allah, lain rasanya dari zaman bercinta. it was so peaceful but at he same time lovely and kadang-kadang rasa tak percaya je. and it is a bonus for me dapat husband yang sangat baik lillahita'ala. i tak tau la kenapa Alla kurniakan suami sebaik dia. mashaallah.

so anyway, kahwin ni lebih kepada tanggungjawab. i suka sebab i suka please my husband, try to prove to him that i can be what he wants. it's a challenge for myself to be a better wife. siapa cakap dah kahwin takde challenge? everyday is a challenge to be a better me...hehehe

mana nak jadi wife, mommy, a teacher, tutor, companion, a cook, a cleaner etc.

yang paling penting sabar. maybe because i know him long before i married him, so banyak perangai dia i dah tau. so add on untuk perangai dia yang baru menjelma lepas kahwin. hahaha.... so bagi yang baru kenal hari akad nikah tu, the only thing that i can say is sabar. jadi wife ni kena banyak sabar. tak salah pun. and kita bukan mengalah. don't ever think it that way. it's just that we are mature enough to handle things profesionally.

eh banyaknye type...hahahaha...

and...mesti ada CINTA!! and cinta tu mesti hadir setiap masa. like me, whenever i look at my husband, i always had this mix feeling inside, rasa annoyed, suka, excited, rasa nak peluk, kadang-kadang rasa nak slap dia pun ade.hahaha but it stays in my heart. cuma kadang-kadang i go and hug him and tells him how much i love him and that i need him so much in my life.

everyone needs that right??it is just i'm the more expressive type, and he is not. he don't even care. sobs kikikiki ~

Crash!!

fuhhh...lama gila tak update blog. occasionally, i read some common blogs that i love, tapi for my blog to be updated, adalah mustahil. but things change, so do i.hahahaha.

masa adalah lebih banyak dihabiskan dengan scrolling up and down the instagram. man, they are 'the' new addiction!! so bila nak update blog kan? there were a couple of times me and encik husband had a fight over this matter, and we concluded that having a smartphone is just not so smart, and can ruin one's relationship. ha yela, tengah makan duk sebok scrolling, ape jadahnya kan? so kitorang decided not to have our phone at home, during eat out (except for picure's taking...prfttt), and during le sexy time. hahaha....the last one i added.

selalunya i la paling banyak guna phone. but i guess becaue of me, encik husband pun doing the same thing. ended up we were not talking to each other. which is not good kan?? luckily i realized that sooner, so now, i can actually see and feel that we actually enjoyed our le family time together without the phone.

see???kalau kita nak berubah, we have to choose that WE want to berubah. life is a option dude. just dont make excuses.

oh apa khabaq semua??? *heard echos because no one in here..hahaha*

eh nak buat next entri la. cerita pasal kesetiaan!! me likey!!

Alhamdulilah.

Dah dapat first gaji!! Happy kemain.

Lagi happy sebab dah bernazar kalau dapat kerja ni im going to bring my both families pergi makan.

I rasa gaji yang I dapat ni lebih berkat dan of course lebih banyak. Im just happy because they pay me good and tempat kerja sangat dekat dengan rumah. It was like 5 minutes journey.

Alhamdulilah sangat.

Thanks encik husband kerana banyak bersabar dengan kerenah and ngomelan I. And terima kasih sebab selalu doakan yang terbaik untuk I.i guess this is for us kan? To have a better life. Insyaallah.

Sent from Samsung Mobile

Baby's Dilemma

i was thinking that since i (now) get back from work around 2p,, i should have pick up baby sophea kan instead of leaving her with nyai for two days straight. i mean, it is nyai who takes care of her so i tak rasa pape la to be worried . it is just that i feel like i missed my baby even more now. i missed her every second of the day.

kata anak, kan?

at 10months, she's not a baby anymore. sangat suka gelak, especially bila me and her daddy sing it out loud the incy wincy spider song, and the qasidah burdah ya-hanana. she would shake her bum bum back and forward vigourously , and when she's at her back (baring) -_____________-. but we love teasing her like that. nyayi sikit shake lebih. hahaha...

so i just told my husband that i want to pick sophea everyday starting next week. he said okay. im not sure how much we should put aside for the petrol and toll, but i guess we can make it happen. kan sayang?? ahhh having that cheeky little girl everyday at home would be something.

eh dah kul 7 la. nak get ready encik husband balik.

takla rutin kite tapi im trying to make it as a routine:
1. bukak gate utk husband.
2. salam, ciom, peluk sebelum masuk rumah.
3. amikkan air.
4. sediakan makan

ha senang kan? nampak senang tapi penat jugak, sebab lepas tu nak get ready gi jog plak. hihihi....

Quick update!

oh well. hello there!! *lap2laptopyangberhabuk*.

its been a long time yea since i last wrote here?? well, my life couldn't be better than what i have today. mashaallah alhamdulillah. walaupun i found it difficult to be ready by 7, and by 7.10am i should have reach my working place instead of golek2 with my husband cause he-starts-working-at-8.30-and-he-can-continue-his-other-1-hour-sleep is just annoyed me much.hehehe.

but, leaving the working place at 2pm is definitely a heaven. ahh, now you're telling me that i dont have a challenging working environment. tell me, what is the definition of challenging to you? by having some fist fight between the coworkers or clients? yup, i do have that just now. hahahaha....so which part of challenging u dont understand? hikhik...

kay, nanti kite sambung citer best2 lagi k. lapar sangat ni, nak g masak jap. daa!!

Working

Alhamdulilah.
rezeki Allah ada di mana2. luckily when i was told to resigned as i was promised to secure a place at 'the' company, 'the' company rejected me and said that he didn't promised me anyting. what a f*cker. memang i takkan maafkan dia dan keturunan dia sampai bila2 sampai dia mintak maaf kat i and mengaku salah dia. and alhamdulilah. tak sampai sebulan i tak bekerja, i secured another job. well, being a person that is responsible to deliver knowledge, i get it again.

alhamdulilah. alhamdulilah. alhamdulilah. i dah bernazar if i get this job at this salary, i nak belanja makan both my families.

so, what's new with my working place? it is an international institution, with more than half of the workers are foreigners, i think not more than 10 are malaysians, some are chinese, indian and malay. so it is not only one malaysia, but it is one world. hahaha... the best thing is, i work until 2.05pm but my salary is more than what i earn at 'the previous' company.

so again. alhamdulilah. i just cant wait for my first salary!